Need some advice on my career

[jillmichael]

Hey yall...

I have been a Billy fan for a long time, met many of you various times in New York. I read this forum a lot even if I don't always post.

This post has nothing to do with Billy Elliot at ALL, haha...but I thought I might ask you guys for advice anyway, just for some objective advice from people who don't interact with me regularly in my everyday life. So if any of you have any advice for me at all, let me know

So, I am in medical school. I am in my fourth year, set to graduate in May 2012. I have a huge problem. I kind of HATE being a doctor. I am just miserable every day when I am at work, and then when I come home I am miserable at home because I think about having to go to work the next day. I am often working around 70 hours a week in a hospital. Studying for tests on top of that, plus applying for residencies and writing personal statements, and asking for letters of recommendation, etc.

I am just so miserable. It's not that I don't want sick people to get better or don't have compassion for people, because I do...it's just that I don't think this career is right for me. I don't think I am good at physical exam skills, I don't enjoy talking to people, and I don't exude a confidence that people want and expect from their doctors. I get extremely scared and always fumble my words and thoughts when I have to present a patient to the attending doctors. Also, with most jobs if you screw up, you can say "well, it's not a life or death situation" but when you are a doctor, you cannot say that, because it is, and that stresses me out to no end. And I know it sounds like I am beating myself up, but I feel like I am just saying what's realistic. I don't hate myself, but I know my strengths and weaknesses.

When I am working, I become depressed. I don't get the same joy out of music or tv shows, or things I normally enjoy doing because it's like the work seems to suck all the joy out of me. I tend to not even want to talk to members of my family or friends because I am just jealous of all of them because they don't have to do what I have to do. I end up just not talking to them because I don't want my anger to explode on them.

I pretty much wish I never went to medical school, but I don't know what to do, because I have soooo many loans to pay back. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place, like in a hole I can't get out of. I just don't want to be miserable the rest of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I am not against working at all, even working long hours. But at a job that doesn't make me want to explode every day, if that makes any sense. I am a hard worker, a smart person, I just don't like where I am at and I am scared.

And believe me, I know I am an extremely blessed person in so many ways. I am not discounting that. I have my health, I have family and friends, you know...there could be a lot worse things in my life. At the same time, I am just not happy where I am at.

I think I sound like a bit of a crazy person here, haha...Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks,
Jill

[Todd]

Jill, rest assured that many people have had the same feelings that you're having right now, so you're definitely not alone. I'm not a career counselor by any means, but it sounds like you have a lot of stuff piling up on you at the moment which may be contributing to your stress. Working 70 hours a week on top of studying for tests, applying for residencies, etc. would be enough to stress out and depress about anyone.

I suspect that you might feel differently about things once you're done with school and are just working - without all the other things to worry about - where you can just focus on your job. With only one more year of medical school to go, the light is definitely at the end of the tunnel. I would advise talking with some of the people you work with at the hospital and asking them how long would be a fair shot before deciding whether the medical field is for you.

I remember when I was doing my student teaching - which is maybe the equivalent of where you're currently at in your field - a veteran teacher told me, "Don't base whether or not you want to be a teacher on your student teaching . . . because you're not really in charge of your own classroom yet and can't do things the way you think they should be done. And don't base it on your first year of teaching either, because the first year is often the most difficult and the most time-consuming, since you're still getting things figured out. Instead, give it two years and then at that point if you're not enjoying it, then you've given it a fair shot and should have a better idea whether it's for you or not." That proved to be good advice - and accurate, too - as things did indeed get better and easier for me with more experience.

As a side note, I have some friends who have made a very good life and career out of a somewhat-related field to yours: dentistry. I think it's sometimes an over-looked career, but it pays very well, usually has shorter work hours, and doesn't have the life or death stress level of being a doctor. I would imagine that many of your medical classes would cross over and apply to dentistry, if you should decide that it's something you might like to look into.

Finally, if you're so inclined, I've found that asking for guidance about tough situations like these through prayer often brings things better into focus, and might help you decide what decision would be best for you.

[Brad]

Jill, you are not alone and thanks for sharing your concerns and hoping there might be a tit bit if advice qorth listening to from us all here. 23 years I have been doing the same job and regularly I get the feeling that its not the right job for me but then I find all those great aspects of my job and everything seems so much better. It is too easy soemtimes to focus on the things that get us down and forget about all those things that make our work worthwhile and that we enjoy. You havebeen at it for 4 years - there must be plenty of things that you really like about it - focus more on them.

Alternatively - chuck it all in and go and find something that you like to do and just do it. Life is way too short to live unhappily.

Alternatively again, the first thing I thought of while I was reading your post is "Why not go into the reserch side of things instead of the face to face stuff" If you have made 4 years you obviously have the brains to be there and mroe obviously have something to contribute to the medical field - maybe it just isn't in the face to face stuff but maybe the research side.

And as Todd says - the power of prayer or even just meditation - taking the time to sit down and sort it out, make a decision and go for it. As I tell my kids sometimes - a piece of paper dicided in to 2 columns with an honest lst of positives and negatives, generally tells you which way to go.

Good luck with it

[ERinVA]

Jill, I taught school for 30 years, and what Todd says is accurate. Sometimes it just takes hanging in there for a while for any profession to begin to feel like the right thing. But even if dealing with patients turns out not to be the best avenue for you, my thoughts about research were the same as Brad's. Medicine needs people to come up with cures, and research is saving lives every day. Or perhaps you can think about how some of your other interests can intersect with medicine to create the optimum situation for you; for example, sports medicine, or pediatrics. I have a feeling that In the end you will make it through the tough part and rekindle the spark that led you to med school in the first place.

[angelenroute]

Jill, so good to hear from you. I miss you! But reading what you posted makes me realize why it's been so long. First off, there are at least 3-4 doctors/med students in our Billy fan community that I know of, and probably more, so if you haven't bent all of their ears, definitely do so ASAP!

I had a similar situation regarding my career path, although very, very different too. After high school, I became Brother Sean, a Marianist Brother in a monastery on Long Island. I felt called to be there and was mostly happy. By my fourth year though, I felt trapped and miserable. The Brothers sent me to a psychologist who quickly diagnosed me with Clinical Depression. Though there were many, many reasons I was depressed enough to require medical treatment (and as a doctor you know Clinical Depression is an actual medical condition and not just a gloomy mentality), my location and circumstance were ultimately to blame. After just over 4 years in the religious order, I was dispensed from my vows and returned to my family. Though some aspects of my depression understandably took a few more months to dissipate, simply being outside of that circumstance/community/lifestyle helped tremendously with my healing.

It's taken me years to realize it, but I was called to a ministerial role in life, both there in that religious order and now in my own spiritual but non-sectarian way.

So I guess my main message to you is this: You're young and don't NEED to decide right now what your whole life's course will be. Finish your education and don't worry about needing to get a job doing exactly what you have been trained to do. Instead ask around and find a position as a consultant or clerical worker in a medical environment. Just because your skills are specific doesn't mean they can't also be utilized to help people in a different environment. A teacher might grow to hate the classroom but love being a tutor or working in a textbook creation profession. A lawyer could similarly stop practicing or find a job doing any number of needed jobs outside of the courtroom.

Your skills and knowledge are yours and they are assets! There are probably many, many positions that do not require the patient or even in-person interactions that the exact field you were walking toward does. But focus on this absolute truth: If a person or place makes you miserable, realize that the person or place is not everywhere, and you can find a life free of said misery elsewhere!

While you do your meditating and praying, asking and consulting in the coming months, re-read Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken" too now and then. It will help.

Much love, and say hi anytime!
Sean

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

[maria]

Hi Jill!

Great to hear from you. I am sorry you are struggling so with your career choice. I think it is MOST important for you to reread what you wrote - there is a lot of wisdom there, and your misery, though painful and difficult is telling you something important.

And yes, many others have struggled with career issues, myself included. Of course things are made scarier by the huge student loans. You are young, you have options.

Talk to others, seek career counseling, reach out - which is some of what you are already doing! Keep it up. But life is too short to be that miserable.

Keep in touch - all the best to you! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
maria