July 2013 Reviews - London

[Rich B]

Thanks for all the reviews. Next May is a long way off but these reviews will help with the long wait before I see the show again.

Rich

[Billy Whiz]

I'm sorry but I have to ask.

What's with all the Specsavers jokes? Have I missed something along the way?

[KeefyM]

I'm sorry but I have to ask.

What's with all the Specsavers jokes? Have I missed something along the way?

It's just a fun reference to the day when Pat, Barry and I were that busy talking on our way for a meal after a show that we almost entered Specsavers thinking it was Nandos, but we soon realised it wasn't Nandos with all the glasses on display and lack of menus. Barry almost got asked if he wanted an eye test (haha).

Thanks for all the reviews folks and I look forward to catching up with everyone at the ol' VP in August and reading many more reviews in the meantime.

[jen]

Well he should have gone to spec-savers!

[patc]

CLASSIFIED

Thorsday Julesco 25 Mtinni

Report by the Red Planet Bureau of Investigation (RPBI)

Preamble

This report was commissioned by the Martian Homeland Security Division.

Planet Earth has always been regarded as a nonentity. In fact, the RPBI has often referred to it as a complete waste of space and is no threat to our rigid and ordered planet community. Their failed attempts to invade our planet with their weird and feeble devices powered by ancient technology is further proof of this.

However, over the past 8 years a strong energy cell has been emitting from an area on Earth known as London on an island broadly named Great Britain. This energy cell has increased in its intensity over the years and so it was deemed timely to investigate if it might in some way become a threat to our way of life which requires that our population recognises and accepts that “orders are orders and orders must be obeyed without question at all times” with no room for any emotional values. Accordingly, a team of 10 RPBI agents were beamed down to Earth on Thorsday Julesco 25 Mtinni to carry out a reconnaissance mission.

Facts uncovered

The source that this energy cell emits from is a quaintly old-fashioned structure that stands alone in an area which has been completely devastated and lies in ruins. The first thing that strikes you on entering the structure is that almost everything is in OUR colour, Red. Curtains, drapes, seating, floor coverings etc., and, during the energy event, even Red doors were noticed.

The Leader of the team delivering this incredible energy had much body armour that was Red but the most sinister aspect was his codename was Redmand. Even more sinister again his second-in-command was codenamed Thomas Moore. All Martian Government Ministers will be aware that the most knowledgeable Earthling over the past 80 years on all matters concerning the Galaxies was Sir Patrick Moore and it is our belief that this Thomas Moore is his replacement. We were unable to trace the lineage back but, nevertheless, we feel that it would have been fairly easy to hide such lineage from detection so as to not arouse suspicion. It is our contention that he has already been programmed with all the data from Sir Patrick’s database.

Now, here lies the problem. These two Earthlings have the extraordinary capacity to manipulate and twist the emotions of all who attend this event and we have evidence that suggests millions have already done so.

The 10 RPBI agents have confirmed that at various stages of this event (and despite their training) they were completely overcome emotionally by these two and have even privately admitted that they were reduced to tears as the red curtain descended at the end of the event.

Further evidence is provided by the incredible energy emitted by a group of small female Earthlings who, obviously, have themselves been energised by Halley’s Comet but they’ve been recoded cleverly as Ballet Girls. Add to this the fact that three others in the group are coded Wilkinson. Their energy source is easy to work out. The Constellation Cassiopeia is often referred to as the “W” formation. Even the tiny male Earthling was codenamed Rory, very astutely derived from the Rory Borealis.

Conclusion

The RPBI believes that this energy event is a serious threat to the rigid and emotionless Martian way of life. It would be catastrophic if its energy, inspiration and power got through to our people. They would all become human beings in no time at all. We need to place our planet on Red Alert.

Recommendations

Invasion of Earth is not recommended at this time. We tried that before over 100 years ago but it failed due to an unforeseen problem with infection by bacteria. Our technologists have been working on a fix but have not yet come up with a complete solution.
We recommend that large deflection shields be urgently designed and launched into the space around our planet to prevent this powerful energy cell from radiating among our people.

Aych Jeewells

Administrator

[tzwicky]

Hey Aych dude,

That was one powerful report. Even using my output device with the Stephen Hawking voice, excitement and heart flutters were obvious in your detailed report.

Geez Louise, seeing as we're a highly evolved, interplanetary proficient species and have conquered entire worlds populated by the likes of the guys in "Predator," you'd think we could handle this REDmand fellow (and all the similarly-coded Billys).

But, no, we're apparently at risk when dealing with these human kids with the big eyes and the crystal clear upper-octave voices, and the astounding physicality of their wee little bodies. Yes, several expeditions to this house of horrors, the so-called VPT in your reports, have consistently led entire crews of StarCruisers (thousands of battalioneers) great and small to fall to pieces in uncharacteristic fits of emotion including the especially appalling sensation of "joy." That one's a "doozie" to take a word from the Earth people.

I have to agree with your assessment as to the imminent danger posed by these "union workers" to our way of life.

"Stiff Upper Lip" has always been our watchword, which is expeditiously cautious seeing as we have 17 Upper Lips to keep stiff, and that's just not possible during this "stage show" lasting over 3 hours.

I strongly recommend that you cancel all the scheduled "Billythons" (whatever those are, actually) we have on record in the coming stellar mooonths. By my calculations, our planning division has bracketed 30 Division Commanders covering every show of this "musical" for 6 Earth months (funny how they spell that word without the required "o"s) {calculate the "month" by using transit time and the Earth people's star sun, not our Sunny Sun}.

The Commanders have locked in something called "Stalls Seats from B-15 to B-28" for that entire period, and as you know, persistent viewings of this "Musical" have caused both Alpha and Beta Squads to lose unit cohesion into the 98 percentile. (Remember, for our sub-commanders, ask an "usher" (similar to the royals on our planet) for a "cushion" if they cannot yet extend their eye sockets to our standard half-meter length (do you know that some Earthlings use the measures of "inch, foot, yard and mile" based on some silly notion related to a body part?).

Commanders of Merit may continue to visit Earth if they get overly-emotional during their rehab from this appalling condition.

By do keep everyone out of Specsavers till we figure out what happens there. As well, do not let lower command officers visit that Apollo Theatre place which we understand is right in the same geographic area of the "Toddlin' Town" of London.

SubCommander JarJar Binks

[dancingboy]

Saturday 27 July ( evening)


Richly
Entertaining
Dancing
Masterful
Acting
Naturally
Delivered


Rapturous
Acclaim
Noticeable
Captivated
Everyone



Redmand was treading the boards again on Saturday evening, his sixth show in 12 days. It just shows you how fit these young stars have to be and are. The words above say it all, for me, and sum up a typical Redmand performance.

[Katwoman]

Saturday, July 27th (matinee)

When I arrived in the foyer on Saturday afternoon after a frustrating journey south, I was a bit disappointed to see Tade's name on the cast board. No disrespect to Tade, of course, but I wanted to see one of the Billys I hadn't seen before. Then I walked through and saw that David Bardsley was Dad and Helen French was Mrs. Wilkinson. Some of you forum members may have gathered that I quite like Deka Walmsley and I am a great admirer of Anna-Jane Casey, so it was a grumpy me that started to watch the show.

How could I have been so miserable? Within five minutes I was caught up in the whole "Billy Elliot" experience and was totally swept away by the story, the music, the singing and the dancing. Tade was wonderful. What struck me yesterday was his clear enunciation of the dialogue and his joy when he was dancing - it lit up his face and prompted wonderful reactions from the audience after the big set-pieces. Helen French and David Bardsley both gave excellent performances and showed that whichever cast you see, you get much more than value for money.

It was the first time I had seen Zach Atkinson. What a fantastic Michael this boy is: I was so disappointed (again!) that he was too unwell to take part after the interval. He was a riot in the first half and I was eager to see what he would make of the Kevin ******* Keegan and the Nutcracker lines. That is a pleasure which has to be deferred!

I was chatting to some first-timers at the interval. They were all thrilled with their choice of show and that was before "Swan Lake" and "Electricity"! And as the oldest of the three women said as we walked out, "I could watch that again - now!" Three more converts to the cause of Billyenthusiasm on their way to obsession?

I shall be in London for a few days next month. How many shows count as a Billython?

[Billy Whiz]

I shall be in London for a few days next month. How many shows count as a Billython?

I would have thought a minimum of 10

It's actually as many as you want it to be.

There is, of course, always a mini Billython - which I reckon is about 3.

I am not proud to say that in my "younger" days I did 13 shows on the run. I had lost the will to live at the 8th show and it is something I will never, ever, do again

PS: Thanks everybody for the reviews.

[CJ-Rochester]

How many shows count as a Billython?

I would have thought a minimum of 10

It's actually as many as you want it to be.

There is, of course, always a mini Billython - which I reckon is about 3.

I am not proud to say that in my "younger" days I did 13 shows on the run. I had lost the will to live at the 8th show and it is something I will never, ever, do again

13 Billy Whiz??? I can't even imagine.

I had always considered a mini Billython to be two consecutive shows, and a 'normal' one to be 3 to 5. On the other hand someone who sees the same show 3 or more times in a row is far from normal. I am happy to be among your company.